Embarking

It's only a couple of hours before I leave.  Jennifer responded to a plea for a ride to the airport; so, I am finishing up with a few things at Carson's place before she swings by to pick me up, for which I'm very thankful.

It's hard to believe that I'll be in Belize tomorrow morning.  So much time has passed, so many lifetimes have cascaded by since then.  Suns and moons, rising, falling.  Grey hairs.  Ha ha.  

I wondered if I'd feel "ready," soon after Knox responded to my grant fund request to commence research on the ritual practices of Mopan Mayan shaman (h'men).  I had to force myself toward readiness when the money came through.  I was reluctant, resistant, even.  Why?  The time?  All that has transpired?  What was I going back to?  

Then, I cleaned off my altar, which had been accumulating dust for the past, oh, year, easy.  And I sat a wee bit in meditation.  I opened old journals, read old ink, sifted through old memories and saved momentos, recalling names, places, occasions, happenings, deeply felt things, true expressions.  I remembered myself, as I was.  I saw myself as I am.  I see, clearly, the differences.  The love that is between those 2 places that I have for myself, remarkably, still.

I discovered I was going back to me, there, now.  It isn't any different than any other moment of departure on sacred time.  I will just employ it differently, keenly, knowingly.  It feels like I have stopped searching.  For place, for identity.  And I trust a bit more what I bring, what I give, that I will learn, that I will remember.  Me.  All this is valuable.

Thanks for reading along.  I look forward to holding you close.